Anticipation and Want
by amescat28
Summary: Jules is her parabatai, her best friend. But what if she feels more? How do you approach someone who knows you like the back of your hand when you've hid something as vulnerable as this? Will Jules respond positively?


**Okay so i've been on like an extremely long hiatus for literally only having one chapter and being a newbie, but a week after i wrote the first one my life kinda turned to shit so i've been trying to work it out. I'm sorry if you were looking for a really constant writer, i'm not her. Anyways to get through this stupid period of my life, i re-read and am reading all the Cassandra Clare books. These books have always managed to bring me into a world where I didn't have to think about anything and could just dive into the story, so today thats what i'm doing. This one goes out to Cassandra Clare and her characters for given me light in a dark tunnel...**

 **To Jules and Emma, your love is something that I wish will happen to me someday; a friendship of pure loyalty to each other in the most passionate form...**

She feared the ocean more than any demon she had come across. It taunted her as the sun reflected off it's waters giving a serene view of Los Angeles. She knew in a moment the sun would disappear past the horizon and she would be left with her thoughts in the dark. Emma would always come up to the roof to think; away from the children, away from Jules. Could she even call him Jules anymore? He wasn't the child he once was, and years of taking care of his siblings had left him looking more grown up then he ought to be. A heavy sigh passed her lips. Julian, her parabatai, her best friend, the love of her life. Not that she could tell him. Oh god the repercussions! He did not need that riding on his shoulders on top of everything he carries for everyone. Too lost in thought to notice the roof door opening, she jumps when someone comes to sit beside her.

"Tavvy's in bed, it took some persuasion but i finally got him to sleep after the third story." Jules sighed. It had become harder and harder to put Tavvy to bed and it was wearing him down.

Y-O-U O-K-A-Y ? she had drawn on his arm to bring him comfort but instead he had stiffened.

"I'm fine Em, I promise." She looked at his stormy eyes as he said this and knew differently. The bags under his eyes were getting bigger, his hair more tousled, and the smile didn't quite reach his eyes anymore. But she dropped it cause she knew that nothing was coming out of him tonight. She rested her head on his shoulder and took in the sight before her; the sun was just disappearing behind the horizon and the LA winds were sure to arise soon. She looked at Julian and there was a silent agreement that they should head inside. Jules got up first extending a hand that she took gratefully. Looking back one more time over the city, they disappeared inside.

Emma was not a morning person, and today she was especially moody. Once they had gotten back inside Julian had disappeared to tuck Dru in, leaving her alone with her thoughts. And not the good ones; the bad ones where Julian did unspeakable things to her, with her, on her... OMG just thinking about it made her flush scarlet. She angrily got dressed and went downstairs searching for some coffee and an equally grumpy morning person, Christina.

Christina did not go without coffee, it was a must need for survival. And being awoken by shaking from a not so sympathetic blonde was not her kind of ideal morning.

"Why! Why? Just Why!? By the Angel Emma let me sleep!"

"Good morning Christina, my best friend in the whole world not including Jules, Rosales! I need to talk to you."

"You better have brought coffee or so help me I will punch you."

Emma handed her a steaming cup of jo. Christina took it and sipped, sighing in content as the caffeine made its way into her system.

"Alright shoot."

Emma explained the flinching, and the dream albeit a few embarrassing details, and how absolutely fucking screwed she was to be in love with her parabatai. Christina listened to her ramble for a while before she stopped her.

"What are you going to do?" This question had caught Emma off guard.

"What?"

"Well, what are you going to do? You have to tell him Em, by the things you've told me and by the looks he gives you, I don't think this is as one-sided as you make it out to be."

"You don't think..."

"I think that you should talk to him because if I know you two, you know each other like the back of the others hand."

"Mmmmm..."

"How about this, first we eat cause man am I starving, second we spar to blow of some steam, and third... you go talk to Julian."

"Well I can definitely get on board with the first one, but i'm not sure about the third."

"Emma Carstairs! You are one of the most skilled Shadowhunters of your age and you can't even battle your own emotions? Blaspheme!"

They stared at each other before bursting into laughter. After a few minutes they sat coughing trying to catch their breath.

"Alright, now I really need food."

Christina got up and put on sparing clothes as Emma went to the kitchen to find something for breakfast. She stopped just short of the doorway, hearing Julian on the other side talking to Ty and Livvy. She could smell the fresh made pancakes and took a deep breath. Jules didn't know about the dream, she was the only one that could make it awkward and damn if she wasn't gonna get some of those pancakes. She pushed open the door and immediately regretted it. There behind the stove was Julian, underneath he was wearing tight clothes signifying he would probably go for a run after breakfast. Ty was explaining something to him and his face was shaped in pure fascination. It was the sexiest image alive. She shook her head. No. You will not fawn over your best friend in tight clothes, wearing an apron and cooking breakfast for everyone because he is incredibly kind hearted. No.

"Good morning." Livvy was the first to notice her and as soon as she said so, Julians eyes turned to her. It took every fibre of her being not to stare into his eyes, so instead she went with responding to Livvy.

"Not stealing all the pancakes I hope, my survival is key to these pancakes." Everyone stared at her confused before Christina walked into the kitchen announcing she needed food pronto for being awoken so rudely at such an ungodly hour of the morning. Livvy looked at her with a gaze of 'good luck' before her and Ty slipped out of the kitchen. She turned back towards the other two to realize they were both looking at her.

"What?" They both shrugged and went back to what they were doing earlier. Emma went to sit beside Christina at the kitchen table taking a few pancakes of her own. When they were done eating Christina gave a little head nod towards Julian who had just finished grilling everything and announced she was going to the training room.

"Why did you wake up Christina?" Jules had come to sit at the table beside her.

"I needed her help with something." Emma sighed. She didn't know what to do. This conversation was not going to go in a direction she would appreciate.

"You couldn't ask me?" There was more intent behind those words then she would have liked to discover.

"I..." Jules reached towards her hand and laced her fingers with his. His thumb grazed the inside of her wrist and it took her half a second to realize he was talking to her.

Y-O-U O-K-A-Y ?

It was ironic that she had looped the same thing on his arm the night before. She hesitated.

N-O

Julian looked up then his eyes sparkling with concern. He went to say something but then thought against it. He was trying to read her face as he always did. Trying to figure out what was going on without her having to tell him. There was a small crease in between his eyes... his concentration face, he wanted to solve this more than anything. And she broke. She yanked on their interlaced fingers a bit gaining his attention. However he didn't have much time to think when Emmas soft lifts pressed against his own chapped ones.

 **Thanks for reading! I hope it meets your standards, i'm not a very good writer but these characters are really dear to my heart and so I hope i could get them across on the page. I would love some feedback on it if you would care to drop some. I'm sorry for being away but I will try my best this year to be a consistent writer, and to hit all my favourite fandoms.**

 **Thank you for giving me another shot.**


End file.
